Your Dating Advisor

Judgments and Realism Can Kill Relationships and Dating Success by Terry Leslie

My hair is messy and when you look at me you might think I look rather irresponsible. You can categorize me as many different personality types, but for the most part people stick me in either the artistic category or the rebellious bad boy category. That means that when they shove me into such a category they are making judgments about me that aren’t true.

I am not irresponsible. In fact, I am much more responsible than most people I know. I am rebellious with an artistic nature but I am not in any way shape or form a “bad boy.” Women find me very attentive, both in and out of bed. What’s my point? That women are going to judge you and they are going to be wrong.

Women (just as often as men) make judgments based on appearance and what we do for a living more often than how we conduct ourselves until they reach a particular level of intimacy with us.

They make assumptions about how well we might please them in the kitchen as well as in the bedroom and sometimes they are spot on and others times they are about as far from the horse’s rear end as they are making of themselves. It happens and we can’t control it. What we can do, however, is refuse to play into their judgments and maintain our personalities despite their obvious disappointment.

I met a woman once who assumed (based on my looks) that I would not be able to please her. She called me up about a month later and asked if my invitation was still open to take her out? It turns out that she knew a woman that I had been very intimate with and she had a conversation with her about me and realized she had made a mistake. When I found this out, I stopped seeing her not because she made a judgment, but because she lied about her reasons for wanting to see me again as well as those for not wanting to date me in the first place.

We live in a world filled with judgment and we each have to decide exactly how much of it we can allow into our lives. In some cases, allowing any into our lives is hurtful but unavoidable. One of my friends is forever having to explain that he is not gay because he is strikingly thin and has shaggy hair.

When women judge you by your appearance or your job, you have to be prepared to know how you want to respond. You can either call them on it, tell them that they are wrong, or you can change your behavior to match their assumptions. Doing the latter turns you into a liar. You can get plenty of women without lying and those women are going to be a way better experience for you. Don’t let judgment based on you categorical stereotype determine how you are going to act. You are not made up of a stereotype. You are made up of content. How you choose to display that content is a personal choice.

You can dress yourself up any way you want to. You can walk out of your house every single day acting like you are the player of the century or you can go for that entire metro-sexual look if it pleases you. You can cover up your insecurities with loud and outrageous vehicles and you can prep it up and hike and sail with the rich boys that you never were. But at the end of the day, at the end of your experience, when you strip down naked, you are still who you are and no amount of trendy dress is going to change that.

I believe we present to the world what we want them to see. I believe that if we want women to think we are fast and furious even though we haven’t gotten laid in two years that we will put it out there like that. That’s fine as long as we know that when people are making assumptions that are a natural leap from what we are presenting that we really can’t get bent out of shape about it.

Your image is part of who you are but it doesn’t make you who you are. You can’t become a better person by choosing a better image. And if you have no image at all, you aren’t presenting anything about yourself to the world which is a whole other issue.

Images and stereotypes are part of our world. It can be a whole lot of fun to catch someone making an assumption about us and being able to show them something otherwise. If you keep running into the same judgment, check in and try to find how you are presenting that image to the world if it bothers you. If it doesn’t then keep on moving. Because there is definitely a woman out there who is loving the image but who is into the naked version way more.

The return is also true. We make judgments about women all the time. A few times I passed over a woman initially because I really didn’t think she was going to be all that sexually interesting. I loved finding out exactly how wrong I was and exactly how her image didn’t hold her back one bit.

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Article Source: ArticlesArticles.Net

How to Breakup by KattChat

Most people dread having to tell a person that their relationship has to end; many people experience feelings of guilt and confusion which can make having the discussion a very difficult experience. The realization that you must end a relationship isn’t often a straight forward and clear cut one; many times people will go back and forth about the pro’s and con’s of bringing their relationship to an end.
Along with the many frustrating emotions comes the knowledge that the other person will probably feel even worse than you do. Many people struggle with just how to break such awful news in the least painful way while still getting the message clearly across.
Before you face the discussion it can be helpful to try and predict how the person you are about to let go of will react. One cliché is to break it off in a public place so that the other party will be less likely to cause a scene; this is cruel for most people as it restricts their emotional outlet and should only be used in the most desperate of situations. Unfortunately, in most cases, there will be little that you are able to do to comfort the other person; they may even become angry or upset with you. Always make sure that you are never in any physical danger and if you suspect this may become a problem during your discussion it may be best not to speak face-to-face.
When choosing a place to let your partner know that it’s over be sure that you will both be free to speak you r minds. Though in many cases if communication wasn’t a problem this might not be happening; you will still want the ability to try your best. Food and drinks should be available, unless you feel that they might be used as a weapon and if you or your partner smoke be sure that the environment allows for it as it will most likely be a very stressful time.
Many people try to use statements that are generalized and non-specific because they are frustrated and see little or no point in getting into an argument at the end of the relationship. Understand that if you try, just one last time, to explain your point of view to your partner you may at least be leaving them with knowledge that can help in future relationships. In some cases it may require you leaving for your partner to understand and change something about themselves, but by allowing them a chance to understand you truly have tried your best.
Though many people feel guilty when ending a relationship it is important to remember that not all people are compatible and for this alone you cannot hold yourself responsible. If during the course of your relationship you recognize that there were things that you could have done differently to make it strong you might consider telling your partner so. Allowing the other person to understand that you have no desire to keep trying can often be painful to hear, but to also know that you are willing to share your own mistakes can ease the pain a little.
After choosing an appropriate location; reflecting on your own mistakes (if any) and keeping in mind any points you would like to make known to your partner you will probably be ready to set a time and day for the talk. Try to avoid making this a time when either you or your partner will be hurried, or before anything that will require concentration, such as work; instead choose a time when you can both be relaxed and have ample time afterward to recover from your discussion. Choosing a time when you are tired will often cause you to be more frustrated than is necessary, so if possible make sure that you are both awake and clear minded.
Now that you have prepared and are ready to speak, how do you go about it? Despite being ready to end it you may still have deep feelings for the person sitting opposite you and it may be very difficult to say anything that you know will hurt them. Remember that to keep the relationship going under such circumstances would be doing that person more of an injustice and that if you truly care about them you are responsible for being honest about your feelings. It may be of some help to write down the key points you hope to cover during your discussion should you become too emotional to remember.
How to Begin:
• Make sure both you and your partner are both comfortable
• Leave a reasonable amount of space between you and your partner; this may help to send a clearer signal of how you feel.
• Try not to mislead your partner by making the discussion seem anything that it isn’t; avoid this by not choosing any places or clothing that sends the wrong message.
• Though it can be tempting to ease into your breaking it off by explaining your feelings, your partner will most likely be feeling edgy and stressed out so you may want to let them know right away that you feel it is time to end it. After your partner hears this they may decide they have no wish to hear your reasons and if this is the case you must allow them to express their feelings.
• If the situation allows, explain how you arrived at this decision and take responsibility for anything that you feel you are at fault for.
• If your partner becomes too irrational; (e.g.: yelling or throwing things) simply tell them that though you would like to discuss the issues with them you cannot do so while they are feeling this upset. In most cases you are an inappropriate choice for comforting your partner, though it can be difficult to walk away, you must do so as currently, you are the cause of their pain.
• Depending upon whether or not you hope to remain friends with your partner you may choose to reassure them of you friendship, but again, you will unlikely be the best person to help them through this painful time.
• Once you feel that you and your partner have both had enough time to express your feelings and that your decision is clear, leave. You must give your partner a chance to recover from the shock and confusion of this news and your presence will not help this healing process. If you choose to stay, you will in all likelihood send the wrong message and possibly give false hope of reconciliation to your partner.
• If you feel that you are able to, make sure that your partner has some one that they trust to talk with after you go, although this must be their decision you can offer to call someone for them.
• Once you have reached a point where you are ready to leave, make sure that you do not leave anything behind that you will need in the immediate future as it may be sometime before your interaction with your partner does not cause one, or both of you, pain.
Once you have finished your discussion and left your partner to begin the healing process you may have very mixed feelings on the entire matter. Clearing your head can often be useful when such conflicting emotions are likely to be running through you. If you can go out with a friend and have a little fun this may prove to be just the activity to help you move forward; be careful not to over compensate for your mixed emotions by acting in an irresponsible or dangerous way, you will likely regret this soon after. In the end, if you tried to be patient and understanding of your partner’s feelings you need feel no guilt for what had to be done. When in relationships you can only succeed if our best is enough for the other person, sometimes it is not and you must part ways. The only reason to feel guilt is if you know you didn’t try to best the person that you could be and even if this is case, what you may have learned through this experience is that you want to and can be in the future.

To read more about managing the difficulties of a breakup ; how to prepare for an ideal date and many more romance and dating topics visit villagematchmaker.com

Article Source: ArticlesArticles.Net

Is The Law Of Attraction Broken? How Do I Find My Soulmate When I Can’t Even Get A Date! by Tanya Haden Tebb

Men and women are human magnets. Just as a steel magnet drawn through a pile of rubbish will pull out only the things, which have an affinity for it, so we are constantly drawing to us, establishing relations with, the things and the people that respond to our thoughts and ideals. -Orison Swett Marden

Ladies, I have a question for you: Do you wonder why you can’t find your dream man? Do you long for a soulmate, your one true love, that man who will whisk you away to your happily ever after? If you do, ask yourself this: Why haven’t you found him yet? And, while you’re flashing back on all the reasons why, consider this…

The Universal Law of Attraction states that people are like magnets. A magnet attracts iron ore because that’s what it’s made up of. People attract other people who are “made up” of the same stuff, like hopes, desires, fears, feelings, and so on. For example, in a very basic way, when you smile at somebody, do people smile back at you? Yes, most often they do. This is the law of attraction working. When you smile people are drawn to your positive energy, it makes them feel good, and as a result they smile back which makes you feel good; like attracting like.

So, do you think this law of attraction is true in your own life? Do you believe you can you really attract the positive and negative just like a magnet? The things you want—like money, power, and confidence? Even the things you don’t want—debt, conflict, or poor self image? How about love…do you think you can use this law to attract your one true love just as surely as to attract not-so-good relationships? Let’s explore this a little further by thinking about how you talk to your girlfriends about men, dating, and love.

When you’re chatting with the girls, do you hear yourself saying things like “I’m never going to find my Mr. Right” or “There must be something wrong with me,” or “I hate dating,” or “My one true love must not exist,” or “I don’t believe in soulmates.”? If you do, do you think such negative thoughts and expressions as these have any connection with why you haven’t found your true love yet? Or, do you think they’re totally unconnected and that at any moment your dream man is going to materialize out of thin air, whisk you off your feet, and you’ll live happily ever after? If you think the latter, it’s time for a reality check!

Ask yourself this: Would *you* be attracted to a man who had such a woe-is-me attitude, low self esteem, negative outlook on life, and no dreams for his relationship future? Um, I didn’t think so. So why should a man be attracted to you if this is the “man magnet” you’re casting out into the world?

Skill skeptical? Still think a man is magically going to appear? Still want to buck the law of attraction? Don’t worry; you’re absolutely right: A man *will* appear. He’ll likely be Mr. Wrong, ready to exploit your self-doubt, and if he doesn’t make your life miserable right away, he’ll at least keep you from finding somebody better…for a long time to come! And, if by that time your attitude still hasn’t changed, the next man you’ll attract isn’t going to be Mr. Wrong, he’s going to be Mr. Really Wrong!

You see, try to resist it as you will, when you affirm these negative messages and desires, you are calling on the law of attraction to work for you. And, dutifully, obediently, and without question, it will. The only problem is that you’re asking the universe to send you the *opposite* of what you truly want!

Now, you’re in a real pickle because you’ve got what you asked for, but it’s not what you want. When you state “I don’t want this or that” and “I don’t need such and such,” it’s exactly what you attract. Then you find yourself wondering why you “just can’t get a break,” “why everybody else is falling in love but me,” and you’re left to wallow in the idea that you’re “going to grow old alone.” If this is how you feel, you’re not alone. Many women (and, yes, men, too) don’t know how to affirm what they *do* want. They only know how to define what they do *not* want. In affirming the negative, this is the very thing they attract.

But, before you get mad at the law of attraction, you must realize “it” doesn’t care one way or the other if you’re happy or sad, with Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong. The law works without judgment, without bias, and without any sentiment of “I sure hope she finds her dream man this time!” If you want to begin attracting your true love, then things are going to need to change and *you* are going to need to be the one who changes them.

Change your focus to the positive, to the self affirming, and to your ideal, and your man magnetism is going to start attracting your Mr. Right (and, likely, many of them!) immediately.

You might be asking yourself, “Gee, this all sounds good, but how the heck do I actually stop focusing on a lifetime of bad dates, dead-end relationships, and deadbeat guys?” or “Hey, I don’t even know where to begin imagining who my true love or ideal man really is. How do I get started?” I’m glad you asked!

You can start making the universal law of attraction work in your favor by answering seven super simple questions:

1. Define the type of relationship you want

“I want to meet the man of my dreams,” isn’t going to cut it. Be specific (e.g., “I want to find a husband who is passionate about his career and loves kids. He enjoys cycling and picnics in the park.” or “I desire to have a wild love affair with a French man who has curly black hair and brown eyes.” or “I would love to go on a romantic date with a man who buys me flowers and makes me laugh.”).

2. How does this man treat you?

(e.g., He takes me out to dinner, buys me flowers, holds my hand, finds my jokes funny, tells me I am beautiful, pampers me and treats me like a princess, rubs my feet after a long day…)

3. How does it feel when you are with him?

(e.g., I tremble when he brushes past me, my heart beats faster when I hear his name, we talk and talk for hours as if we have known each other for years, I feel safe when his strong arms are around me, it is like music to my ears when I hear his laughter…)

4. What does he look like?

(e.g., He has a warm smile, big muscles, blonde hair and green eyes, black hair and brown eyes, curly brown hair, tall/short, dark/fair skinned, freckles…))

5. What does he do for fun?

(e.g., Work out at the gym, listen to/play music, cycle, play golf/football/tennis, eat out, go to bars/clubs, hiking, mountain climbing, reading, swimming, travel…)

6. Where will you meet this man?

(e.g., I meet him at an airport, sports bar, night club, on the internet, through friends, by chance, at a wedding, in the grocery/video store, library, at the beach, gym, tennis club…)

7. How will you know you’ve found him?

(e.g., He proposes to me on a starry night. We are lying together on a sandy beach listening to the waves crashing against the shore. I wake up in the morning to find him making me breakfast in the kitchen. Our eyes meet across a crowded room and he comes over and asks me to dance…)

When you have answered all of these questions, you are ready to let the law of attraction start working for you. You know exactly what you are looking for, where to find it, and how to know when you have found it. So now all you have to do is take a few minutes to think over your responses, and then close your eyes and imagine the man of your dreams. See him, hear him, touch him, feel him…even taste him!

Take time to affirm these positive images daily. Breathe in deeply letting the air fill every cell in your body with the image of what you desire. With every exhalation feel the peace and joy that comes with knowing your desire is already fulfilled…and it really is…the universal law of attraction *will* start drawing your dream man (or men!) to you almost immediately.

Don’t believe me? Give it a try and see the results for yourself. Isn’t it time for you to recognize your magnetic potential within and—snap—start attracting your perfect man now?

If you are ready to learn more about dating, relationships, men, and attracting (and keeping) your Mr. Right, then you are ready for the newly released groundbreaking eBook, “How to Attract Men—The Goddess Secrets.” Written by acclaimed International Relationship Expert and Renowned Hypnotherapist, Tanya Haden Tebb. Visit http://www.how-to-attract-men.com/attract_men.html to get one step closer to attracting him starting now.

Article Source: ArticlesArticles.Net

Snagging A Date Without Losing Your Cool by rodrigo rehn

We are now far from the age where single people are thought to be aliens from another planet. While many still enjoy being tied to their significant others, views have steadily changed over the years, especially regarding the lifestyle of single people.

It usually means that you are free to do a lot of activities without having to be tied down to immediate family obligations. You are also not bound to compromise, so you can fulfil your needs whenever and however you want. However, what everyone should remember is that being single does not mean you can not share your joys with someone else.

Nowadays, dating does not have to lead to commitment. Dating is a way to go out and meet other people with potentially similar experiences or joys without being obligated to keep seeing them. While you can date someone, hoping it will lead to commitment, dating can also be done with no strings attached. You can be spontaneous and ask someone you met to go out.

However, online dating is clearly one of the most famous ways to get to know someone. Online dating has the advantage of letting you select which person you want to go out with, and also give you the chance to determine if you really want to see them. Online dating sites are now expanding and therefore also specializing, so you will always find someone with whom you already have something in common.

This really beats the awkward moment where you both try to find something you can talk about. Meeting someone through online dating sites also lets you get comfortable with the person first, so it will be easier for you to start conversations when you finally meet.

You do not need a dating advice for you to know how to have a good time; chances are, you already know what you are looking for in a person. But everyone can use some dating tips, so always remember a couple of things. One, and the most important of all, is to remember that you are dating to have a good time and not to impress someone.

If you remember how you were not stirred by your boss who just could not shut up about that golf tournament he won, then you should remember that this also applies to you when you talk about your stamp collection. Yes, you are proud of them, but you do not have to elaborate to your date about how you crossed oceans to get to that elusive collectoros that is, unless your date responds with the same excitement. Just be your normal humble self. Remember that many people still like the down-to-earth personality.

Another dating tip is to go with the flow. Do not expect the night to be perfect. Remember, anything to everything can go wrong, but it is just how you handle the stress. Do not despair! Be flexible and change your plans. Your date will probably also be crushed, but just because some mix-up lost your reservations to that famous restaurant, there are other places you can go to.

Find something that you both enjoy, something that will create an atmosphere where you can share and start talking so you can connect. Two singles will likely find something to talk about, and while family is usually off-topic during the first dates, remember to be comfortable. As long as you are enjoying yourself and it looks like your partner is laughing along with you, then chances are you have succeeded to turn the disaster moment into a fond memory. It will be a learning experience for both you and your date.

Finally, always remember that you are supposed to have a good time. If you are not happy with your date, cut the date short but be polite. Keep all the good reasons for being single in your mind. If you remember this dating advise, you will thank yourself if you get out of a potential problem waiting to happen.

Rodrigo Rehn is a Relationships Expert, Linux Systems Administrator, Web Programmer, PHP Developer and CEO of FaceRomance online dating for singles.

Article Source: ArticlesArticles.Net

Little ”Things” That Make Men Happy by Marius Gherghinescu

Is there boredom in you relationship? Is routine what you think that characterizes your life and relationship? See what can refresh your existence.

1. Offer him a gift

You don’t need to think of something expensive or valuable, it needs to be symbolic. Maybe a soccer ball, tickets for the gym, a fine cigar (in case he smokes) or a framed photo of you together.

2. Watch his favorite movie

Well, it’s not that bad to watch an action movie. Think of how many times he watched soap operas with you…without complaining. You need to take action into your own hands, rent a new movie and surprise him.

2. Invent a thing just for you

It can be a hobby, a language code, anything just for the both of you. Imagine how amusing it would be for moments you are in a public place and you signal ”I can’t wait to be home alone with you”.

3. Tell him you always want him by your side

Go to him and whisper in a soft voice how much you love him and want to be together. If he is not the type to be afraid of commitment you can say you would like a kid just like him. He will be impressed.

4. Buy a men’s magazine for him

Even if it is a classy one or one about computers, cars, engines or any other domain he is interested in.

5. Send him a kinky message

It can be on the phone, mail or on a mirror, it will touch him. Send it in the morning and tell him you will meet in the evening for practice.

Men are easy to please. They are sensitive to little things but with good impact. So if you want your lover to smile, do something…anything you think will have such an effect.

Marius Gherghinescu
MyLove Agency Dating Service
http://www.myloveagency.com

Article Source: ArticlesArticles.Net